Scribbled Memories

Laugh or not but the below images are of something I scribbled with pencil in a diary 20 years ago… I loved writing with pencil than pen in those days, with its screeching sound reflecting how I am scrubbing all the dirt from my mind away…

Stumbled across old journals while shifting home and ended up reading them doing soul searching for today. Some notes were unrelated, some so naive and judgemental, some crazy weird gibberish nonsense! Realised that some thoughts have roots so deep that my heart is aching at the slow realisation of the gravity of how hard it is to pull them out!??.??

The second one is few more years older but without any date. Still wondering why am I posting this! ???.??Unfortunately though I really want to renew the reading habit, I haven’t got past few pages of the book in the third one. So bringing myself to the conclusion that I am posting these to start practising what I read till now! 

Winter Blues

Winter skies
Shrouded in white,
They say it’s fog,
But I say it’s the clog,
Reflection of my mind!

Without any grind
I dunno why
It cries
And covers up
In blankets of blues
Like the winter hues…

The roots seem to be of fear,
To get close to anyone near,
The wind of dark thoughts
Sways the trees about.
The leaves has all shed now
And with no shade left,
I don’t see anyone how
Would come to me next.

Continue reading →

The train journey

It was a hot summer evening, and the train station was crowded with the families enjoying vacation travel. Any vacation was incomplete if we don’t visit our family, and I was doing the same that day.

I was alone in the compartment, comfortably settled onto my window seat and reading my favourite Sidney Sheldon book, when the people started coming. One by one, they occupied the seats near me. One of them was a lively and noisy family, a man and his wife, with a young daughter of age below 5. I was already having nightmares in the day thinking of how I would sleep at night amidst them. I hated sounds and lights while I am asleep. Maybe I am a light sleeper. I prepared myself for the worse time ahead, returning to my book. My thoughts slowly went back to fantasizing the characters of my book again.

“Hey, where are you getting down?”
I looked up.

“The last stop”.

Never reveal much to strangers. I wondered whether I should ask them back about their destination too, but the second thoughts of having a long conversation stopped me short.

I went back to reading, assuming they got my reluctance.

It was just before dinner, I saw him entering with a backpack. Finding his seat next to me, he unpacked his stuff and shoved it below the bench. Since I had placed my bags next to me on his seat he sat in front of me, next to the stout man and wife handling their toddler child. He was petite and tall and small eyes with black-rimmed spectacles, the contemporary rectangular style. I stole glances at him, while he settled down, straightening his hair which had got dishevelled in the windy night. He too noticed me, but not as much I was noticing him. Continue reading →

My latest crush

I sat at the same bench in the park waiting for him. Last time we met was before my accident, a month ago. As time passed, I wondered whether he would have changed his morning jog routine. He was my new crush. The last time I swooned over someone, was in my school. Years passed, but the intimidating feeling of talking to a new crush never went away.

I was deep in my thoughts when I saw him coming. Today I made my mind, that I would take our relation beyond a warm smile.

Hiding his small gift in my hand, I went up to him. He welcomed graciously wagging his tail, and gave a big lick on my face as I bent down to greet him with his favourite treats…

The wind chimes

It was a beautiful Sunday, the third weekend of January. The sun was not visible, and the clouds looked gloomy, but the day was special to me for its memories.

It was the day when I felt butterflies in stomach for the first time. A day when a new set of emotions, never experienced before, swept me off the feet. And the perfect kiss sealed it all. He had gifted me wind chimes wrapped in a cute box. My first gift from him. And the last too…

I was busy preparing tea for the Sunday evening, when my daughter came running to me, with a box in hand, screaming,
“Mummy, look what I have found”….

She opened the box and took out the wind chimes, its sounds filling in my roaring in my kitchen..
“Papa has brought this for you as a surprise!”. The small note addressed to me revealed the sender and also brought a smile on my face…
“He will be surprised to see that there is nothing for him to gift you now!!” She continued with a chuckle.
“Shall I put it on the curtain rod, mummy?”
“Yes dear, you can, but be careful…”
“Okay mummy, Papa is going to be fooled today!,” she kept on laughing, excited and amused.

The tea was bubbling making it darker, while I watched her in action with my mixed emotions. I kept reminding myself that the past is over.
And all that was left was the sound of the chimes

The #PadmanChallenge

The first time I heard of Arunachalam, I was so inspired to do a blog post on his TED talk. And now, when a film has released based on his story, I am happy at how the Bollywood is changing and welcoming sduch issues into mainstream cinema. The #PadmanChallenge may evoke weird expressions from many of us, but that’s exactly is the issue we are facing. I hope soon that, condoms and sex education be the next taboo topic Bollywood would address through its films. Yes, we are in the 21st century, but the discrimination still remains in many parts of the country.

I remember growing up with such a huge hullaballoo on this topic. Much before sanitary pads were used, I was introduced to old clothes too. Sanitary pads were sneaked out secretly from the grocery bag. The periods and menstruation topics were discussed in code words and in hushed tones. We were not touched by others as were considered unpure those days. Only after taking head bath on specific days to purify ourselves were we allowed to touch others and wardrobes. Not entering temples on those days are an altogether different level of customs and rituals we were forced to. This is much prevalent custom, which I cannot comment on, as it borders around religion and temple culture. It was such a big thing to be on your period, that it gave me the impression that being born as woman was a sin. Continue reading →