Reflecting about 2019

Another birthday went by. Also another year is nearing its end. This year when I look back, unknown to me, the focus has been on love.

It started in January when I read the book, The Forty Rules Of Love by Elif Shalak. Every rule touched a nerve in me. It left me thinking about the principles and the ideals I follow. During the summer vacation, I went to live with parents for one month with their grand daughter. Every moment of their living reminded me of the changes in them and me, and in general the miniscule of life.

By the time I returned with a heavy heart, I had started onto the famous Harry Potter series (which I had set aside thinking they are kid’s books) which teaches various shades and hidden layers of love. With such an overflow of love, I turned loving more towards myself, indulging in art which I wanted to from long time. But the tide didn’t last longer.

At house, seeing the kid struggling with the enormous educational materials, it made me ponder on how they view the life and how it differs from our point of view. Recently in one of the tantrum fights, I caught myself from a higher perspective, realising how every human being is struggling with ego, starting with such young age. Every kid wants to believe themselves as right and holds onto their belief. It took me back to my age when I kept complaining how Amma never understands my point. I had to calm myself and also the kid, by pointing out that she is right but that doesn’t mean I am wrong. Now that I look back, I realise no kid ever points out to their parents that they are wrong, instead what frustrates the child is, the realisation that he/she is considered a kid and their feelings always being ignored. Again I could see the tussle of power between ego and love. Instead if love is to take over, the belief that the kid will learn on her own with time and experience, will help us to calm down and will enable us to give the kids a chance to live their way.

Recently I completed the book, Daring Greatly by Brene Brown, and I realised I could relate to it completely. Most examples in the book are so realistic and I could sense the shields and masks, which is talked about in the book as something which I wear in day to day life. But all these reading or the inputs I received impacted more on my mind than my actions. As much easy it is to read and understand these truths, it’s that hard to implement in real life. As my therapist says, acceptance is the key to the change. In other words acceptance itself is the change to bring about.

Maybe till the next birthday, the theme could be the acceptance and the long drive could be on the road to freeing my inner spirit…

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