The corona pandemic has pulled us all down into a gloomy atmosphere but an unusual sudden death in the family has changed our life course forever. To drive across states amidst a lockdown with calling around for inter state passes and to be in quarantine while grieving was an event I still cannot believe we went through.
And now we cannot move back home as we are in containment zone, and next maybe triple lockdown, or institutional quarantine and such. The world is throwing around so much jargons for the future historians to learn.
Days go by. The end cannot be seen at the horizon. Yet time goes by like a like a ticking clock sending me warning signals regarding future I am yet to witness or regret about. I hopelessly moan without the tears, wondering at the pessimistic state I am in. Looking for a positive note to hold on and to get out of this messy mind without drowning.
It’s so easy for others to advice about the better days. Or to remind you of being grateful by comparing with the poor living under pitiful conditions. Or to keep saying “reach out”, “hold onto hope” etc. But to come out of a negative mindset is damn hard. Why? Because it’s hard to break our conditioning and to force ourself to accept the judgments which will be passed around, direct and indirect. Yes, you may get help not in the way you thought and not at all crafted to our desired perfection, and again people will repeat to be grateful for getting help as such, as there are many who lost their chances.
And when you think you are better, the weather changes again with dark clouds as in the times we are now. Wondering when the sun will come again, we engage ourselves so as to avoid the blues. But for how long? The “new normal” now includes not only pulling yourself up but also the loved ones, the elderly who fears the end of their life, and the children who are deserted in their safe homes.
When things go really dark, I cling unbelievingly to an old quote which says “The sun always rises even after a dark night.” The pessimistic in me always cringed about passing the dark hours fearing the extreme, but the hope to see the sunlight has always been helpful till now. Thus, being grateful to the universe as others remind me, I wait for the tide to pass, hoping to see you in bright sunlight once again….