Change cycle of 2020

2021 is a year of hope for many of us. I am forcing myself to accept the same, and glow in the gratitude of last few months. To see the positivity even when surrounded by negativity. To be grateful that we are still alive, without getting affected by the virus. To be grateful to have jobs, room above us and food in fingertips in form of delivery. To be grateful to have family around me 24/7. Yet, like many People showing invisible symptoms, I am at times suffocated. With the tormenting thoughts of these crazy developments happening in the world like that of vaccination, that of restrictions, that of the new normal with masks, and social distancing keyword, that of stocks, that of bitcoin, that of artificial intelligence, Tesla, and what not. I find a glimpse of how our grandparents or parents find it hard to adjust with new generation. The changes are always for better, but it’s equally hard for us to accept the changes. 

Over the years, I know I have changed my beliefs naturally or by choice. I can say from experience that change is not impossible at all, or accepting the changes is so easy if you are open minded enough. We all think the words like principles, beliefs, values etc are all hard wired and that they will never change till we die. That all happens in movies, and looks good as film quotes, but what we forget is the human adaptability to change. For instance, I never thought while growing up that I will be a stay at home ordinary housewife, especially while pursuing the engineering. I never thought I will be tasting non-veg and alcohol in future, when I was preaching my college mates to be on pure vegetarian diet. I never thought I would stick to one-child policy considering that we are raised with old school traditional beliefs that multiple kids are always better. I never thought I would be agnostic, when I was deeply immersed in Monday fasts, and praying religiously at temples and singing hymns with Amma. I never thought I could be a late sleeper and not an early riser as many of the old roommates thought. Yet here I am. 

What hasn’t changed is the inner most fears like insecurity, perfectionist problem, the disorders which are not recognised as symptoms to diagnose but eventually the result of inner child turmoil, As it’s so hard to work on ourselves and our ego. The external fears of the future, the death, the anxiety of the unknown, the fight and flight response of human beings on a wide range of issues like anxiety to that of real danger. The selfishness when it comes to survival. Maybe these are designed to not change ever so as to sustain our lives in this world. 

Ever get frustrated with these change cycles? Like do you wish to get out of the cycle and thrown out of it like a tangent. When we are not adapting to the sudden changes, we definitely feel like doing that, but in the blink of an eye, we are back circling life in a smooth transition in the new form. In the larger picture, we don’t value the emotions and feelings of day to day life, but when we are in the midst of it, hope is that thread we could hang in there until the changes become part of our life. 

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