The First Year…

People say “marriages are made in heaven”. But they forget that after marriage they have to live on this earth!

The first year is supposed to be the most beautiful moments, after the engagement to marriage period. I do not deny, but then we never know what lies in the future. May be its more bright than now? They say love dithers over years especially when all get busy with their lives and responsibility increases over money, land, parents, children and themselves. But maybe its just that love has found its base, and has gotten invisible over the years, just as the love we have towards our parents.

Over this past one year, I have been or tried to be a housewife, rather than a working software professional. Many advised to get a new job immediately, owing to bad remarks of having a career gap and all, but I felt I was lacking something else. Maybe I was just unhappy or going blunt at that time. I needed to sharpen my skills or should have taken a different lane towards the same goal. It might have been all together. The change of location, the loss of job, the uncertainty, and the recent marriage. I never knew. I still am confused. But then who knows the answer to all the questions. As RK says, you just jump in to the flow. Its always better than to stand still at the shore. But by the time I raised my head, all were ahead. I was stranded already.

To stand up on your own seems to be the most difficult task ever. After dejection, rejection, or any loss, or any setback, or any unexpected events, its the instant reaction that matters. More than the impact of the accident, the impulse to get out of the area and seek help or to get treated is the most important.

Living in Bangalore has always caused me a heart ache. Maybe because I am not used to its lifestyle yet. Being dependent on the Chennai buses, I found the BMTC so disorganized. There were no bus stands, and some buses mentioned only Kannada. I am not blaming it, but it was an unwelcoming situation. And to add to the top of it, the metro works, the diversions and the traffic. After staying in the hot weather for 3 years, it was also difficult for me to get adjusted to the chilly and windy weather of Bangalore. I have never shivered more in my lifetime. I wonder whether I am trying to escape the awareness of lack of self-confidence, or listing out the Bangalore woes, which is just another city with hell lot of problems as like any other city in India.

Blogging and twitter was the new methods I found to indulge in new networks and to find solace. To remind me, that I have not forgotten speech and interaction skills. Not that RK does not help me, he tries his best, but I guess I am more selfish and greedy. I had no idea how to spend the time. I blogged more frequently than ever, and even thought of making money online, or the work from home option. But none worked. All praised the blog writings and even asked me to work as a freelancer. I have even wondered whether I could become a writer for atleast part time. But I never could write under pressure. I tried a simple method of posting daily on this blog, trying to write whatever I had in my mind on various topics. I noticed the quality stooping down, while the Adsense clicks and visits increased exponentially. I quit that idea immediately. This was my personal blog.

Books and movies were another alternative. But reading fiction and analyzing movies led me to no where. Reminded me of the speeches mom often said, its not their age to read or watch those, and neither they had the time. That was the exact word. Time. Which went ticking all the time reminding me about it. And which still goes on…

—
When I first started to write this post, I thought I should never publish it. Maybe this was too personal. The inspiration for always writing the personal things on this blog has been the thought that, it does not happen only to me. I guessed there maybe other women too who have become housewives, owing to some other reason. One should not restrict themselves to not talk about a relationship break up just because others will know about it, should they? It happens everywhere and has been a usual emotion. I guess this too is a similar and popular emotion, of which one can get out of, over time…