Monday blues or New year retrospection?

Its another Monday.  But its different. Its the first Monday of 2009.

The day when people have joined back their offices after their holidays. The day when they crib about being back to office working whole day. The day when they feel home sick. They think about their native, about their home, about their family. The pictures of the X’mas and New Year celebrations and parties flashes in your mind, in front of your eyes. The day when people start running in the rat race… again…

There are some who have made new year resolutions. Majority of the blogs have listed their resolutions along with new year wishes. And for me, I too had resolutions. I still have. To acquire the unfulfilled ones. Deep buried in the corner of the heart…

January 5th. Exactly six months completed since my last date at the company premises. It was around five in the evening when I got a lift back home on that day. I turned back through the back glass of the car to see my office where in I worked for almost 3 years. The sinking sun was behind it giving the building an aura through its shadows. I remember the glimpse of Chennai when I left on the next day. And my last day in Chennai. The film “Dasavatharam” was being played in the bus en route Bangalore. I never saw the film. And I could never see it.

I played on this blog very heavily this year. Tried more adsense formats, and even other networks, played with themes, and yeah, bought a domain! I had plans to  post daily. But every time I failed. I even thought and wrote about blogger’s block, but I fell short of the ideas. It just didn’t suited my style. I couldn’t crave or crib or praise about everything and anything. Words slipped out of my fingers when I try to pen them down. The sudden flow of traffic inspired me and painted dreams of that and this, but by the year end, it was again going slow. Just because I was out of station to write down my thoughts.

It was a test of relations.I was completely shut off from all contacts with many of my friends. I was online. I was active over mails, orkut, facebook and other networks and sms. But that wasn’t enough. I felt isolated. Very few revealed their true warmth and stretched their hands to maintain the relation and to pull me up.

Recently I checked my weight and I found it to be 47. There was a time when I had nearly 53. I wasn’t healty, neither then nor now. I had felt weak many times, and had decided to walk daily in morning. But in vain. I loved sports during my childhood, but I couldn’t play because I felt I was unhealthy. The Ghajini trailer, with Aamir’s workout regime, has inspired and made me realise to join sports activities and shake my body somehow, instead of rusting it. But for how long?

The year 2009 was awaited heavily. To have a new start, a new fresh theme, a fresh wave of air. But the hopes are low. Just like the recession. And the tasks to be done are very unrealistic. I wished to earn money, to make myself realize that I existed and has a purpose in life. I wished to make others smile. I wished to be much healthier. I wished to create new hobbies. I wished to learn swimming. I wished to have much knowledge, of the world, of the objects, of the science, of the business, of the technology and more geeky.I wished to read more books and blogs. I wished to write more posts, poems, stories, and to be able to be called a problogger.  I wished to be a good house wife, maintaining a beautiful home, and cooking delicious recipes to the guests and RK. I wished to be a good daughter, and to make them proud, who spent their lives on making me what I am now.

Will I be able to do it? The future always remains unknown and uncertain…