The shining sun outside doesn’t reflect the state of mind. The bright sunrays passing through the window is reaching out to me and I almost feel like getting up and catching the dust particles visible through the rays. I realise slowly, my mind is garbled enough not to feel anything. I get up to the mundane routine, and soon feels exhausted. After lunch I lie down for a nap. I slither about at times but the photograph remains the same. Messy bedsheets, curtains pulled wide apart and the messy me.
As days go by, I rise and shine some days, write the scribbling that I do, ponder over about it, the fundamentals of human truth as they say in the weekly motivating forwards I receive in email. I close them up and eagerly watch the butterflies and bees that hover around the mealy infected plants of my balcony garden. Do they think too? Do they have emotions? After a while, it pains to think. I close up the laptop and pour myself coffee, and munch on the loaded cream biscuits. It was meant for the kid, but its the inner kid in me that’s relishing them.
She comes to me to play word games or mind games, and I deny at times, except for the snake and ladders game. That was easy to play. A game based on pure luck with no thinking involved. I wonder now, whether why the game is so popular. We need to free our mind maybe? To rely on “luck” or whatever it is. It’s interesting to see what comes up and put our hopes onto it, when the changes resulting from the same gambling can pull us down and we fight it down resisting. If its a ladder we climb easily, but we see snakes we desist. We cringe. We cry in fear. We runaway. We hide. Yet we slide down unwillingly. Some rise up and look forward to climb the next ladder. Some dont want to climb complaining about their knees. Or we topple the whole game board and we resign. We say we will play ludo instead.
All games are same, no? Or is it my crazy mind showing me unrealistic dreams. The day dreams seem so short after a while, as the sun falls down, and its my time again to sleep. Or wander into dreams.