She stirred the bowl with steel spoon. It was a dessert made of milk, sugar and ghee. Then she offered one spoonful to the baby doll who she had placed next to her.
“Have this dear, its very sweet. You will like it very much.”
“Yes, she liked it”.
Amma replied to her toddler smilingly.
____
***
She typed in her mobile with tears streaming from her eyes. She knew this was going to hurt herself more than him. It was not a ‘sorry’, but a please. She then paused. She talked to herself. She deleted his mobile number from phone. As if she doesn’t memorize it. And then sent the draft.
____
***
Day 6 – Festival of Words at WriteTribe – 55 Fiction
Edit: Rewrote the first snippet again, since I felt it lacked clarity. Which one is better?
She stirred the dessert bowl with steel spoon as if it contained something. Then she offered one spoonful to the baby doll who she had placed next to her.
“Have this dear, its very sweet. Did you like it?”
“Yes, I liked it”.
Amma replied smilingly to her toddler on behalf of the baby doll.
Guilty of both 🙂
Meena Menon recently posted…Chandru’s Pink Elephant…
Nice 55er … liked first one the most
Rajlakshmi recently posted…55 Fiction – Blinded by Love
True stories for most women no?
Bhavya recently posted…Surprise!
Both are beautiful.
Liked the first one.
Kalpana Solsi recently posted…revenge , love , greed
I liked the rewrite……what weI fear when we grow old!
Both are beautiful in their own ways 🙂
Dr. Sushree Dash recently posted…We Don’t ….
Second one touched me!!
nibha recently posted…5 More Minutes!
Both were lovely!
nicely done! 🙂
Pixie recently posted…55-word Fiction
First one is soo cute, second one sad. Both well written:)
Sacrifice and nurturing — that’s what women are socialised for…Not sure if that was the point of your 55-ers but that’s what I got out of it. 🙂 Nice job!
Psych Babbler recently posted…55 Fiction: The Message
I liked both, Archana! 😀 What fun this Write Tribe festival has been!
By the way, I noticed you’ve signed up for the A to Z Challenge. I hope you’ve also signed up for the Theme Reveal BlogFest! We’re posting our Theme Reveal post on March 21.
Vidya Sury
Have you signed up for the A to Z Challenge Theme Reveal BlogFest? – Sign Up Now #atozchallenge #atozreveal
Vidya Sury recently posted…International Womens Day. My SHeros #WomenInspire Change
I am not having any theme. I am still carving my niche, so not sure what will work. Just trying this challenge as a newbie, without pressurizing myself this time.. 😀 Seems you are catching up with the posts..!! Thats an inspiration now..