Adding to your life

Today, in a casual conversation at my dance classes, I was asked where I work.

“I don’t work,” I gave my usual reply.

” Oh.. So you are a house wife…”, came the retort instantly.

I merely nodded. Though I did notice the smirk on his face. Maybe he didn’t mean it, but the mere thought of someone judging me based on what I do, lowered my respect a bit towards him for a few seconds.

Afterwards, I pondered on what troubled me at that instant. Found that it was not the other person, but my inability to validate myself in front of others. The years of conditioning of society around us has made it difficult for us to accept an off beaten path. The trail of questioning on life and our self worth triggers all the emotional upheaval ruining our moods for a while. Then we get up and start walking again shaking off the dirt, as time moves on.

I still cannot fathom why we expect human beings to keep earning. Isn’t living life more important? The small green plant above in the pic, spreads so much greenery in the sand park we visit most days.

What if every human being maybe adding some beauty to this world unknown to themselves or others? How will then it matter, how long did it take to grow to become this beautiful? I don’t have the answers to why I made the choices in the present or the past or to what are the future plans. I like to believe that I am working inwards to grow beautiful to whoever glances upon me.
Be it for a brief moment, tempting others to click my soul image and save in their memory…

A visit to the library

 

Today I had a mood upsetting argument with the librarian……

Without revealing much, I can say I may have taken too much liberty in breaking the rules as the library was completely empty as it was a weekday afternoon, 12pm to be exact. I retracted my steps as per the rules, but left the place with an agitated mind.

I realized later that, what irked me was not the actual rules but the way it was told to me. I was made to feel guilty of doing a grave mistake and not cooperating with her. Human beings are born with a curse of ego which when touched upon, can cause wars.

I am at an age where I am slowly understanding the intricacies of the art of communication. How it impacts others and how the effectiveness of using words and sentences can turn the conversation direction to better or worse. I was of the belief that the emotions and intention mattered more than the actual words, but now I realise I maybe wrong.

I so wish I could convince her properly how we both were equally right and wrong and could have veered the conversation to an amicable solution rather than blackening the dark clouds… …..

The road to home

 

The road to home…..

There are times when I feel I am at the same crossroads again and again like a dèjá vu. The point of intersection where I am confused at which path takes me home.The spiritual home wherein the peace and contentment lies.

I had to return back the foster dog just because I couldn’t handle the additional responsibility. Now it’s safe in another home on the rural outskirts of Bangalore…

But the question remains of whether I need to give shelter to another one. To get the love, I need to spread love and open my wings, right? How do I convince my ruling mind though?

That the path it chose maybe right enough, but the home is just a house and looks bland. That I need to fill the house with colors of love to make it a real home………….

The learning curve

Most of the days, I wake up with an aim to send the kid to school before 7. And with no other plan for the day or for the life thereafter. It may seem living in the moment, but its also discouraging at times to have no plans for the future. The first retort would be the quote “plans are disposed by the Creator”, though it definitely helps to have some sort of outline to live through the days and months.

That’s what I believed till few months ago. I kept reading on finding passion or women getting back to work, or something to get involved with. I started trying my hand in different fields but stopped at everything. What I realize now is that, its not that important to have passion or having a career, but to have some activity to get involved with, to make your life more worthwhile. And for that we need to keep moving on the path we see now. To dare to do things which you feel like doing. Living the life in itself can be the biggest learning experience.Continue reading →