The Let it go attitude

Like all other moms, I have always been tormented with mommy guilt. Feeling of not being “good enough” mom. Slowly I realised it’s nothing to do with gender or being a parent but a conditioning problem. I noticed others who doesn’t have this attitude, at least in parenting or self confidence. There is an “I don’t care” attitude in general which doesn’t mean they don’t give **** about the person but means they don’t give ****  to the outcome of what they do. They will take decisions and if they end up being wrong they are gonna brush off and start again or different but without any wallowing guilt or berating themselves or without any worries of how the outcome can affect others. I so want to have that. 

The instances where I saw this happening is in parenting usually. From young age children are given mobile phones to play(been there, done that) for unlimited times. The patience is running out indeed and it will, but have you stopped for a second and figured out what else could be done. How to improve the quality of life of yours and your child’s? Maybe take deep breaths and “regulate” emotions. Work out the boundaries with other family members for which you need to first work on yourself. I learnt this the hard way, of course, but that shouldn’t stop me from writing it all down to make it easy for you, right? (Or rather preach your ears out!) 

I have felt jealous of older men and women who gets up at 4-5am, travel a lot, keep themselves busy with multiple jobs or side businesses, doing exercising, playing sports and what not(going on dates!??!). All I wanted to ask them is what do they do with their kids? Where are they? Watching tv at home? Are they burning your house? Or killing (chilling?)with their “besties” at their house? 

Got one of the alternatives from an acquaintance recently that they have put their son in a hostel. I assume residential school which I don’t approve much of. How different it is from assigning nanny daycare etc to take care of the child. Why do we assume that they all have the best interests for your child. I don’t have much hopes from the school which my child goes to. I know I have leased out my child and money to the school wherein the child is being used for their sports day and annual day exhibitions, and the teachers keeps changing leaving out scraps of information to my child in class. That’s in exchange for the opportunity for her to figure out how to deal with other children and get exposed to various subjects of the world to learn from. I don’t expect the school will bring out a doctor engineer from them. That’s what Allen does (and the other million Ed tech businesses) and that too if the child has curiosity to learn about the subjects. And this curiosity to learn and grow comes from an influencer which could be a parent, or a close relative, or a random person who influences the child on YouTube when you were watching that Instagram reel or some stranger in a trip you all went recently. 

What’s the possibility that next generation would grow under such circumstances in the best way possible. We have the excuse, “we all grow up like that only and see how we turned out!”. Well, your spouse and colleagues have the right to judge and rank you, not yourself. Also what are the chances that the child will not go down the wrong path. We all do, or rather did. What if very few could navigate their teenage and childhood on their own without being tormented or tainted or suffered. Since there was no way to track how much of those people got stranded, or took their lives because of not being street smart enough to navigate the tough lives, we all “assume” it was easy considering the “positive” and “successful” people we see around. What if they are “suppressing” the negative emotions while showcasing only the positive feelings. They will eventually come out at one point or the other in the coming generations…

Instead why don’t we, as parents, take the responsibility of growing up ourselves. Be it financially, mentally or physically. This would give a live example to the children who are going to watch and learn how to grow yourself, how to correct yourself even after making up mistakes, how to heal yourself after being broken, or how to stand up back and be affirmative while also being kind. To love and not take revenge. How to make time out to live instead of working 70 hours a week(!!). How to regulate both negative and positive emotions instead of bottling it up or blaming others. 

I do want to have the “I don’t care attitude” but towards the fixed mindset beliefs and towards the people who pull us down with their conservative notions. Towards religious and political and other norms which want to divide people. Towards those films which glorify actions and doing monkey like stunts and disregard the emotional triggers. I am better off with the guilt that guides me into caring deeply for me, and the people around me. The world definitely needs more people to care. Or is that the ego in me proving myself right and validating my feelings of self righteousness?