Nothing…

The rains had just stopped. The sky was getting clearer. The waves was slowly splashing across the shore, as if some storm had passed by. He was looking onto the horizon and the serenity of the sea. He loved beaches. The sea and the infinity tinkled his mind and soothened his brain, or does it make him think? Whatever. She continued changing her gaze on him to sea and after a while onto him again. She loved being with him on his favourite place to enjoy the silent calmness. Maybe cos he is at his best when at beach? Whatever.

Slowly, smiling at one of her alternative gaze, they looked at each other as if asking “kya dekh rahe ho” to her. As if to answer him, she smiled back bleakly.

“Why smiling”
“Nothing…”
The smile portrayed the hidden flirting playing on her face.

“Hey do you remember the first time we came here?” She continued.
“Ya.. And that time you were sitting 5 feet far from me!” He said making a sad expression.
“Hehe.. Ya. But you were blurting out all those philosophical crap, and was not at all making me feel that you want me near!” She smiled playfully again.
“Yeah. Thats was the beach effect.. but later on your effect was the one prominent na. ”
He gave her such a smart look, that she blushed and replied, ” Hmm… ”

Both sat in the silence followed. Memories were gushing up as like the blood through the veins. The fate always liked to play the game by rewinding and playing it all again. The times had changed, but the music prevailed in the air.
Finally she couldn’t bear the silence more. It was tearing at her heart. Her face became serious slowly and dark owing to the sadness.

“I am getting afraid ya..” She said it very slowly, looking at his face, as if waiting for him to respond and caress her.
” For what??? ” He was stupid from the beginning in understanding these small girlish hints..
” That guy is coming to see me next Sunday na.. ”
” So…? ”
She glared and stared at him blankly on hearing such a passive response.
” We already decided na, then why thinking of it again n again..” He couldn’t understand why she thinks too much always.
” Hmmmm.. yeah.. but.. ”
She couldn’t look at the beach nor the sky nor at him. She held her heads down at the sands. She found herself in them. Soft and scattered.

” Now what???” He never could see her sulky for long.
After what it seemed to be a long silence, she replied slowly thoughtfully..
” Nothing…”
They sat in that silence with the sea winds blowing onto their face.

.::Epilogue – When you say nothing at all… ::.

Scribble – November rain…

Its the end of October
And the start of November
Splashing across are waves; tender,
yet along with the rains n thunder.

The season is now full of blues,
In its best is the November rain,
Brings along a writhing pain,
With the unhappy events and news.

The shades are mostly blue n black
Seems the blue sun is too behind clouds,
The dispiriting mood swings are back,
The mind too reached the level of grounds

The prevailing atmosphere,
The wailing sky,
The dampening moisture,
The cold winds blowing high,

The sprinkling rain drops,
The immersed tears,
The thickened fog,
The growing fears,

The distant horizon,
The dormant expectations,
The glaring vision,
The never-ending confusions…

Birthday emotions…

You smile and you end up laughing, when some people wish you on your birthday,
But then again, you start smiling when some do not wish you at the end of the day,

You cry and you end up burning inside, when someone does not wish you on your birthday,
But then again, you start crying when someone do wish you at the end of the day.

Main aisi kyun hoon – The Bourne Identity Part 2

.::Prologue::.

Why the hell I am like this?
I am pretty sure that this question would have been asked by all to themselves at some point of their life. There are so many characteristics in ourselves, which we hate or for which we don’t have an answer as to why its like that. Some say its attitude problems, some say, I am pathetic, some say, I think too much, some say, I am a hottie, or very much short tempered. Why am I like this?

I agree, I get to react for very very silly things, and very small things, but I don’t know, I am like that. I am too lazy to take the leadership for helping hand, or to study more, or to take part in any activities. I feel I really need inspiration to move on or to do anything. People say, the inspiration comes from self but I have been calling out to the so-called self to help me out, but I guess its so ziddi (arrogant??) like me; it reacts differently at different times. Even for blogging, I never think too much. If given a topic to write on, I cannot write on it. And this is why I fail to write meme’s quite often. Its just that, some days I just woke up with that blogging mind and some other days with blank mind. The various thoughts starts cumulating up in my mind due to various triggers like the small silly things happening around me to others, or some specific behaviour of friends n family, or it could even be due to some words used by someone to me. I have wondered or rather asked my self, what I want to become, what is my goal, or what do I aim for, why I feel like doing this and that, what is worth and what not, what are my principles or values which I follow, blah blah… But as always, the vision is sometimes blurred.

I guess maybe if someone writes a biography on me, they would know why I have been like this, but only maybe.. The shaping up of genes and their properties is still a mystery to whole world, then why blaming each other for no fault of theirs! Why cant people accept as they are? I feel, maybe there is a limit for our brain cells, to bear the tantrums of another only to a certain extent, and when this limit exceeds, we tend to feel that the other person is not good or has a crazy character. Its their own deficiency that their cells or genes cannot adapt to the vibrations of the other, yet we tend to blame the others. Maybe this trait too is part of the common genetic disorders. This psychological science has always fascinated me, and I keep wondering on the behavioural traits of people. All those abstract terms, the common ones being good and bad, are absolutely relative… Few people shared the same thoughts of this relativity and I really miss the deep discussions we had over the same…

Other than the basic core cells already formed in me, I guess its more of the external stimuli like environment which we live in and grow up which makes up our behavioural traits. And till another external or internal ( wake up!!)stimuli triggers to provide me with the answers, I guess I will keep on asking myself, main aisi kyun hoon…..

.::Epilogue::.

Lyrics – Lakshya – Main aisa kyun hoon

Main aisa kyun hoon -4
Main aisa kyun hoon -3
Main jaisa hoon main waisa kyun hoon
Karna hai kya mujhko ye maine kab hai jaana
Lagta hai gaaunga zindagi bhar bas ye gaana
Hoga jaane mera ab kya
Oh…
Koyi toh bataaye mujhe
Oh…
Gadbad hai ye sab kya
Oh…
Koyi samjhaaye mujhe
Oh…
(Oh we ee aa owe ee oh
Oh we ee aa owe owe owe owe) -2
Main aisa kyun hoon -4
Main aisa kyun hoon -3
Main jaisa hoon main waisa kyun hoon

Ab mujhko ye hai karna, ab mujhe woh karna hai
Aakhir kyun main na jaanoon, kya hai ke jo karna hai
Lagta hai ab jo seedha, kal mujhe lagega ulta
Dekho na main hoon jaise, bilkul ulta phulta
Bad loonga main abhi kya
Oh…
Maanoon toh kya maaanon main
Oh…
Sudhroonga main kabhi kya
Oh…
Ye bhi toh na jaanoon main
Oh…
Jaane ab mera, hona kya hai (oh)
Lagta hai tumko kya
Jaane ab mera, hona kya hai (oh)
Kya main hoon jaisa bas waisa rahoonga?
Oh we ee aa owe ee oh
Oh we ee aa owe owe owe owe
Karna hai kya mujhko ye maine kab hai jaana
Lagta hai gaaunga zindagi bhar bas ye gaana
Hoga jaane mera ab kya
Oh…
Koyi toh bataaye mujhe
Oh…
Gadbad hai ye sab kya
Oh…
Koyi samjhaaye mujhe
Oh…
(Oh we ee aa owe ee oh
Oh we ee aa owe owe owe owe) -2
Main aisa kyun hoon -4
Main aisa kyun hoon -3
Main aisa aisa aisa hi hoon

Ramblings of a mind…

So many thoughts, but very few words. This happens many times. When we feel like posting about something or the other, but we become the victim of the starting trouble disease. Today, its not only the starting trouble problem for me, I don’t even know about what to write about. So many random thoughts filling in the mind..

Thought of writing a nostalgic post about childhood, dad, mom, sis, about how we used to enjoy the Saturdays n Sundays at home, about how me, mom and sis used to go for films for watching movies, about how me n dad used to watch the cricket from the sofa in the hall, about how I used to watch the sanskrit news and the news for the impaired in DD1, about how I learnt riding the cycle, about the first time I was granted to ride the Kinetic by dad, while coming back from the tuition classes, about how he used to advice me on reading the English newspaper, Hindu, about how we all together enjoy the regional feature film at 4.00 pm every Sunday sipping mom’s tea, the cuddled nap (rather sleep) in Sunday afternoons, the school friends, the various singing classes, entrance tuitions, women’s college friends, the enjoyment of being among the gang, admission to engineering, college friends, bunking of classes, the group song rehearsals, the group dance (the first and also the last I guess) rehearsals, the leg-pulling, the semester and university exams, the campus interviews, the placement, shifting to Chennai, the missing of the good old school and family friends, sister’s marriage, newly born nephew, the times I took the first and second nephews in my hands, their staring eyes, and many more…..

Thought of writing about the Chennai memories, the Kelambakkam, Baba Ashram, the training classes, the first hostel life with the room mates and hostel mates, enjoying the cyclone with Antakshari and songs, the glances of the northie boys, the canteen, the dhaba, the learning of new languages, making new friends, sharing the stories with people, moving to new flat with new room mates, getting adjusted to the various situations, sharing their silent tears, their ups and downs, their anger, their frustrations, the group outings for films and beach and shopping, the boring lonely days, sharing of personal life stories and their secrets and fears, the marriages, the career growth and many more…

Thought of writing about life, human beings, the intrications of human mind, brain, body, the diseases, the curable and non-curable, the patients, our loved ones, the short-living nature of life, the pressures, the tensions, the tears, the fears, the emotions, the greediness for money, luxury, the changing life-style, the hip-hop style, the bare truth of death, the comparison, the dreams, the unfulfilled wishes, the innumerous people of the world, love, faith, friendship, and other relations, the various beliefs for which we fight for, the past relations, the years we lived so far….

Aaah.. I am getting headache……I don’t know what to write in this post yet… better stop now..