Mid life crisis again

Have you ever felt what you really need to do in life? I know this happens mostly in mid twenties. I am almost past that phase but still hoping for that unique work which interests me. Now there are more responsibilities since N is born, but still. So many people keep asking about returning to work, and I use N as excuse, to escape from further questions.

Why do they consider being jobless with such a shame. Being independent is indeed necessary but can’t we have the freedom to decide when to work, what to work etc. I know its difficult to return work after break, but that’s the society problem not that of individuals na?

Then there is the stay at home group who say they are relieved to some extent and are happy with their decision to bring the children up. More and more I read about such blogs or people I find that convenient option cos you need to be either a super woman who is career ambitious or in pathetic financial situation in dire need of job to manage both work and home. Though I don’t think I do most of the work my mom did when she was working and handling we both kids I am already fed up at times..! Maybe when need arises, like every woman does, I too may be able to handle both but I am yet to find the motivation for that. Currently I Ann happy with N with the only regret that I am unable to make out more time for myself be it for networking or to update any skills or making use of the free little time available…

This too shall pass…I hope…maybe when I turn 30? People say many strange things happen when you turn thirty!…

Inspired!

These days I read so many personal blogs related to either Bangalore or motherhood… In either case I realise people post their thoughts very openly. They don’t hide about their children or silly thoughts etc.maybe this happened earlier too but I started noticing such blogs only now. I now wonder whether posting on the flow would be much better for this blog or else this may never see any post again… Every time I have some opinions our something to share, I either discard it thinking its too personal, or will post it later, clubbing many other things to share etc etc but never happens… Its been ages I checked this blog on PC but though mobile blogging is tough for me I would rather try that way and post some gibberish rather than being absent at all…. What say?

Balcony garden

Apart from handling N and the house, I mainly spend time on Facebook these days.. Seeing the various pretty homes, I have already got interested in thinking of decorating home. The latest dream is to have a balcony garden.. With a coffee table and chair and some accessories, hanging plants, lanterns, statues around me, I am dreaming of sipping the evening tea, with the bustling Bangalore winds or the rains which is expected soon…
image

Mommy rambles again…

N is growing up. I just can’t get enough of saying that again and again. It keeps repeating in my mind, whenever I see her giving me that mischievous smile, or when hugging onto me, making sad face when I raise my voice, or when trying to stand with support or climbing the stairs and so on.. I have already started missing her babyhood.. And why not, she’s nearing one! Can you imagine.. I don’t know how one year passed away.. I agree there were hard times in between, but there were also the milestone achievement days, when she tumbled over, started to speak, sit and all. I did want to remember all the dates, but in the flow, I forgot to write them down.

Searching for first birthday celebrations online, I found so many people celebrating their young ones’s birthday with so much pomp, that I get jealous. But on second thoughts, I realize the kid would have much harder time that day seeing all the new faces, and going through what would be her/his first real party. Then I read this post, and now I plan to preserve those dresses and other items, till I get a beautiful trunk like this one.

Yeah, the home decor madness has not left me, rather has increased day by day, from the time I have started following Preethi. As mentioned in my last post home decor items are very expensive here, maybe everywhere, if you go searching them in various lifestyle stores. The eco-friendly products, recycled products, and indian handmade crafts turn out to be much cheaper especially in select startup stores, which are increasing day by day in Bangalore. Facebook is a treasure for finding such local people, local stores, and online stores for such inexpensive home decor products.

Another dilemma is regarding work. I could find so many people started working after being mom, but I wonder how they could entrust their child in some other hands. I agree there is a big bonus financially with double incomes, but what about the salary to the maid, cook, or help or day care, and the emotional trauma we give the child? Sometimes I feel I did the right thing, and the next minute, career-oriented educated woman inside me wakes up from nowhere. It starts bashing me, asking what am I doing whole day sitting at home, running behind toddler,fighting with her tantrums, not even looking after myself, and getting mad at not getting a break!

And then, N starts again.. She looks at me so innocently with a twinkle in her eye(really I could feel that, I guess all moms would agree on this), hiding a smile at the corner of her lips, waiting to crawl forward, once I start moving towards to catch her..

That.. answers me…

Mommy thoughts..

There were days when you were carrying her on your front waiting for that one day, when she would give a peek of herself and you would get over with what you have bared up with for nine months. And when she did, you start missing those indescribable beautiful feeling of kicks..

The initial post natal days are so tough that you wish the baby would grow up soon so that you can be free again and be not bound for breast feeding. And when she stands on her own, you feel how big she has grown and wish for the cute days once more when she would beat her legs in happiness, making the old bed creak…

The day I start missing her babyhood
is very near…

And then, there would be soon one day when she is so independent, that she can be on her own in a day care or with relatives and then to school, moving to her own bed and maybe one day demanding a room, leaving RK and me to watch her grow to a young woman….

The day I would start missing her childhood…

What a dilemma…