For some writers, writing is cathartic. To let go of the emotions which are overflowing through their minds. I remember writing this blog to put out my experiences as a way to create connections with other people. In my retrospective times, I realise I have always been wanting to make “connections” and “long lasting friendships” as seen in movies and shows.
I wonder whether we seek friendships or societal connections for meeting the needs of self- validation through friendships. To have the impression that I am important to someone, for them to take time out and call me or go for chit chat, have intellectual talk, seek advice etc. I remember feeling the need to fill the void after being in college, though it actually started in high school. Whoever I have asked for feedback, kept telling me they considered me as a weirdo in those times. I don’t deny, considering how I have sent prank emails to someone in college to get attention! It took me years and few broken hearts to figure that, our friendships too, like in relationships, can break up, can get cheated on, be lonely etc. Social media validation in the form of likes and followers are clear examples of what we were looking for in the 90s era. To realise that those were not even crushes, but an effort for ourselves to feel good in the eyes of random people. I remember reading Normal People by Sally Rooney and quite relatable to being Marianne.
Yet, we don’t distant ourselves from community. We put on a face, sometimes honest, sometimes a smile, to be in the crowd so that we don’t get lost. In earlier days, strength from unity was essential to ward off predators, the difference being the predators have changed form from animals to human beings now.
When these friendships fade away on its own after it completed its life cycle, we reminisce the good memories and not much about the person. After Covid, we have plenty of relatives who have left us and we think about them for a fraction of a second, as a fleeting visual. It’s same for acquaintances and friendships, colleagues, collegemates, roommates and school classmates. Like butterflies they come and go. Or like the stars in the sky we notice them and remember them before we return to set our eyes on the road again.
The more you learn about internal validation and how we need to self sustain our core which makes us, the concept of friendships and connections loses its importance little bit. As an analogy, if the nucleus is stable, the atom is happy but only if we have atleast one electron as not much info is there about stable atoms without electrons. So the electrons are equivalent to the connections here? The nuclear fusion and fission happens as per the environment. We only create the environment just like how a human being has to be in a certain environment to induce changes in himself on his own.
But can we get detached in real? Not isolated or shutting everyone away, but be present and still not attached. If we don’t put in the energy to keep the electrons orbiting and end up losing the electrons, won’t we become unstable as the atoms?
What would happen if I deactivate the social media or stop posting on the blog? Unless I take the effort to keep “real life connections” alive, I would not be missed. There was a lady, Surekha on Twitter, whom I never interacted with, but is missed by many on the app. It seems like she had an aura of warmth which she sprinkled in other’s lives. I am not at all a social activist or unique like her, but don’t we all wish we would be missed/remembered by others at some point in time? To be seen, heard and validated seems to be the most priority of the new generation. For sure it would have been everyone’s but we didn’t had the audacity to demand it. Too busy to earn and survive in previous generation.
In the quest for boosting self confidence, I read about being self reliant before getting into any relationship. Though it’s said usually for romantic relationships and marriages, I guess it applies to other areas like friendships and colleagues too. Not to rely too much on others but be “balanced” or “stable” (context of atoms) on your own first before anything else.
The question remains on how to keep the balanced state possible even as we learn more about the changes in human beings being dominated by tech and the ways of connections as like in atoms. After all, we never know for real, how atomic particles behave under unique conditions. We are yet to figure out many things deep inside them or universe as a whole.
