Most of the days, I wake up with an aim to send the kid to school before 7. And with no other plan for the day or for the life thereafter. It may seem living in the moment, but its also discouraging at times to have no plans for the future. The first retort would be the quote “plans are disposed by the Creator”, though it definitely helps to have some sort of outline to live through the days and months.
That’s what I believed till few months ago. I kept reading on finding passion or women getting back to work, or something to get involved with. I started trying my hand in different fields but stopped at everything. What I realize now is that, its not that important to have passion or having a career, but to have some activity to get involved with, to make your life more worthwhile. And for that we need to keep moving on the path we see now. To dare to do things which you feel like doing. Living the life in itself can be the biggest learning experience.
I am told that at a very young age, I walked entirely back from school to home, without waiting for my parents to pick me up, mostly because I was tired of waiting. I would say I can infer two things from this info. That I had the risk-taking abilities from the childhood, and that I run out of patience very fast. I realized then that I had been taking small risks all the way along. Not to mention the cliche risks of getting married and having a child.
It was a risk that I took to go online and start interacting in public forums in an age where internet was not relied upon for human interactions.
It was a risk which made me attend meetups, to convert the virtual faces to real faces and to meet strangers.
It was a risk to give up the job to prioritise my family life.
It was a risk to go start photo walking, wandering through the alleys of Bangalore and see the world in an intimate manner.
It was a risk to do internship at Women’s Web not knowing whether this is my true calling.
The unattainable standards of measurement of satisfaction is my biggest enemy to my active mind which defeats me in pursuing these fresh paths for a while. But the exposure has brought huge experiences making my mind more broader. Fortunately, the inkling to take risks still lives on. The biggest and the only successful risk was to attend the dance class last year.
Another risk I feel like taking now is to start loving a dog. I don’t remember ever being a dog lover, but I was not against them for sure. They did look cute to me on movies, though we were taught to be afraid of the street dogs. We never had any families with dogs in our inner circle. But last year after we moved to the new rented house, I could see the love that flowed from the dogs raised as pets in our apartment complex. And it was nourishing me, right from their eyes to the love licks. Having a 6 year old kid who is learning the caring and affectionate part of human nature, accelerated my need to remove my fears towards the dogs. We went to animal shelters and farms, and dog cafes so as to interact more with them. Though she still is afraid of big dogs, we are planning to foster puppies this weekend.
Hope this risk too brings about an exponential rise in my learning curve of life.