It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.
The valley was beautiful. But now I see the mountain. The big mountain. The deadly beast which could either make or break my life.
Every time I sit down to write with a prompt, words jumble around around my head like a bee hive of mosquitoes at dusk. And slowly you get the bites. They evade you even if you try to beat them. That’s the irony. You can’t escape from them, even if they are very small individual creatures. I wrote too, about the massive rival, self-doubt in the previous post about the writing tips. And here I am, battling it out. Instead of writing a proper fictional piece, or writing articles for freelancing, I am unlocking my mind.
But still unconvinced, I turn to my other interests. Take photography. I started going out with the Bangalore Photowalk group on weekends, to places where I have not been, like the old market buildings, meeting other photographers, and very talented ones.
I realized there are masters and grandmasters and professionals battling for business in the world of photography, along with the amateurs and beginners, whose photos are far better than mine. I had stumbled upon a graph few months ago on social network, which had the graph of an amateur photographer down at the bottom, just after he dived into this field, as he gained more and more knowledge. It kind of exactly depicts my present state of mind. (Oops! Couldn’t find that photo again!!)
I stop showing my photos around, and hide in the shell of my home. And turn to quilling. This should be easy. Just the rolling of a paper and mere sticking. So I try quillography of Nayana, thinking that, I would stick on her play area wall, like naming a room.
The layout of letters was easy to get printed. But the designs around that, had to come from my mind. I scouted internet and the Bangalore Craft Lover’s group for ideas. But the quilling designs displayed shocked me to some extent. What creative design I could come up with which won’t look like I have copied from others? Not much. I did try to start something, but laziness and lack of inspiration kept me down. She is too young to appreciate my intricate nature of the work.
Like the writing challenges, I realized I would be better if I had the buddies to inspire and give a shot. I did ask in forums for the same, but realized I will have to go out of my comfort zone, and take measures to handle Nayana. I will have to send her to daycare in the afternoon, if I have to get out in the weekdays. Then I have the problems of not having any experience. Strangely, everyone is a beginner when they start. So we should be easily getting opportunities, no?
The mind blocks have formed the mountain so high, that I could not see the sun, though I could see its rays of hope touching the peak. Surely I can gain some pleasure in conquering the mountain. But for that, I need to climb to the peak.
And that’s a long way to go.
Written for the mountain prompts