My greatest stress buster these days is Facebook. Maybe I like to observe people online. Sitting on a park bench in a virtual world, observing people around, how they walk, whom they hangout with, how they laugh, where they eat, how they eat, exploring the expressions.
There are many groups which I am part of, but I check mostly the mommy groups first. Being a parent, especially a novice in the matter, you try to note down all the information you get, hoping that brain would register a few of them when needed.
My pregnancy journey was smooth. There were no hiccups until the birth. And that’s when I struggled. Every book or blog says about how to take care of your pregnancy, how to push, how to do exercises to regain shape etc. But no one reads how to rear a child. There are people who make time to read books on that too, I am not sure how they do that, but unfortunately it never went to my mind, and by the time I realized it was too late to read books, or any book for that matter since you get literally no free time when you have a baby in hand. But after the initial hiccups of breast feeding(Try Kellymom if you too are facing these issues), and management problems of time, anger, and health, the journey was back smooth in track.
One thing I learned on the way is to be informed. There is babycenter, and so many websites and books on parenting. Be it the technical explanation or the home remedies, the customs, rituals or the do’s and the don’ts. But be practical as per your life and selectively apply the rules based on your instinct. After all, you are the parent, and you need to raise the child your way. Sometimes its not exactly your way, as we live in society and there are always people guiding you what and what not to do with the child. That’s where you need to decide the amount of relaxation of the rules you selected for yourself. For example, I was adamant that I can never run behind my child for feeding food and that she should follow a day and night routine to reduce her crankiness.
I have heard several people, like my parents sometimes, who blame themselves for their way of bringing up when things go wrong. I wonder how do they determine right or wrong in these matters. Just by looking at the greener side of the grass? Till now, whenever I have been in doubt of my raising N, I recollect that it was because of my ignorance of how to handle the situation. What I feel is that we are learning at every stage and reacting to as per our instincts or sixth sense or how our brains are wired to choose among the selections. Even as a grandparent, I could see them learning. I understood then, that even though they have raised kids of their own, to be a grandparent maybe a different thing altogether.
Another technique I have seen is to not to lose your cool. Easily said, but never done. Recently saw this parenting advice from a daddy blog, which I think is correct to some extent. Unless there is danger to life, body limbs, health of the child, why bother much about them. I have even heard of comparisons where children who was not much controlled or given more freedom(like getting hurt, choosing their own ways etc) living a better life, than children who are cared too much(rush and cajole when they get hurt, hold them or help them at every stage etc). Again I disagree. There are positives and negatives in every kind of upbringing, and it also depends on the personal traits of both children and the parents.
Then there are other factors too like financial status, the location we stay, the culture and religion we belong to, the kind of environment we live in and many more. Since I have heard that Montessori is very good for any child, I wanted a Montessori school for N, but the nearest Montessori pre-school was far from our home, and I never wanted to bring in the problems of long distance schools, at such a young age.
So just like you find your balancing positions in every relationship with our parents, spouse, sisters, brothers, friends, colleagues, maybe its just a matter of time for you to get adjusted with your child and her individuality. That’s what every other website preaches about. That your child is just another human being in your family of relationships.