N is turning 2 next week. And this June we are enrolling her in playschool too. All these are making me confused and emotional. Whenever I do retrospect her birth, there are so many situations playing back to back, scene by scene, which we came across. No wonder they say pregnancy and childbirth changes your life. At the end I would say its just a mixed bag of emotions.
Always its the hard times, that strike first in your mind when you think back. The breastfeeding troubles and the first week hospital days with the pain of the stitches. I still could not understand how women run around from the 3rd day or join back work in US after childbirth. For me, stitches went very slowly; took about three months. There was the moodiness. I have been a moody person all along to add to that. And the disappointment that I could not take part much in doing interiors of our first home. I do not remember going out unless 5th or 6th month. It was always to visit some relative or some function. I was constantly in demand. As Preeti Shenoy said, breastfeeding is hard. I longed to get out and enjoy my freedom without her.
Yes, there have been plenty of good moments or moments you smile. The teethless smile and language of the eyes she spoke in the early months and the dancing-cum-jumping with legs etc. But its really after the first year, my motherhood has really woken up to her. When there is a two-way communication, you can never fail to realize the warmth. I really love the moments when she hug me soo close. And now that talking has started full-fledged, she demands her hug, asks to pat her hair or back, or to talk with her, play with her, draw for her, write for her, read to her, dance with her, sing for her.. I just realize I have been doing so much. No wonder I get tired at the end of the day. Though mostly she could not persuade me for all her wishes, because I always end up making excuses, me being so lazy to be a child!
Last day, I showed her ants carrying some object and she squatted beside me, just watching them, without disturbing either them or me.